Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
