She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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