why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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