We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
