This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
