happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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