Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
