I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
