she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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