Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize