I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
