I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
