does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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