Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
