why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
