had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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