Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
