check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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