just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
