You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize