If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
