like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
