hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
