I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
