Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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