He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
