I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have fence marks all over my body
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
