it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
