The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
