i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
foreskin is a definite game changer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize