WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My bed smells like the plague
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
