woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
