wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
