Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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