Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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