Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize