i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
