if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
