Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize