last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
