I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
