I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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