Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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