Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
