I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
