god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
