now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
