you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize