I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
