i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
