just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
