why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
