A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
