Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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