I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize