smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
