i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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