The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
