You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
