i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
