the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
