i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
