awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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