Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then he tried to convert me to islam
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
