butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
